What the hell is going on?

The other night I settled in to bed with a nice juicy chick-flick novel and started to get cold. Then chilled…. then effing freezing! My teeth were chattering and the husband piled blanket after blanket on me. But here’s the deal. I live in California where the temps at night are around 55 degrees- not cold, right? So why was I freezing? After finally running to the bath that the perfect husband had drawn and sitting in it for an hour with the heat blasting, I climbed into bed. A hour later I was soaked from head to toe.

What the f?

I managed to walk- naked now- into the computer room and started to Google, but the only thing that registered was ‘hypothermia’ and ‘malaria,’ two conditions I’m pretty sure I don’t have.

The doc was confused…’hot flash then chills’ and that’s the drill, no deviations from the plan. No mention of it in Saint Suzanne Summers book and none of my friends can help me out.

I always have to be different.

So now I have blood work scheduled…when I get paid…..and we can maybe see what is happening. I have my doubts anything will come of the very expensive tests, but let’s be positive.

On a bright note, I watched George Carlin’s HBO special and realized that the one thing worse then being a post-menopausal woman is…..being a CRANKY OLD MAN!

So I have that going for me!

Product of the day! It’s called ‘The Bedfan.” It’s a hoot. Their tagline is…’We take the heat out of your sleep.” It’s basically a fan that sits at the end of your bed and cools off your hoochie. It’s fantastic! I wish I would have thought of it. I would have called it something else though….something along the lines of….The Swamp Cooler.

Check it out!  http://www.bedfan.com/testimonials.htm

One of my very good friends—- a woman of the world—- cannot say the word ‘underpants.’ It makes her squeamish. This blog is not for her.

Pretty much everything I will write about in this blog has to do with what is going on INSIDE my/your underpants. I will be using medical words such as ovaries, clitoris, vagina, hysterectomy, palpitations and incontinence an many, many more. (OK, I can hardly bring myself to say that last one.)

I’ll be referring to sex and to periods and sleeping and eating and peeing and pooping, so just stop now and go to wwwlandofdenial.com or some other happy site and don’t think about this part of your life. Make your cookies and lemonade and cook your husband his supper and keep everything that’s happening to you hidden from everyone and maybe, just maybe it won’t happen. Yeah sure, and one day we’ll have a woman president.

But, if you care about your health and want to vent and try and figure out what the eff is going on with your body during this time of life, or ‘The Change’ as our mothers called it, this site hopefully will be beneficial.

I’ve been a news reporter for 15 years so I’ll be using my research and interviewing powers to keep up with the latest and greatest in regards to menopause. For the most part, because I want to know what the hell is going on down there! I’ll try and blog as often as I can but occasionally I may be in ‘a mood’ not to write. I think you’ll understand.

Factoid of the day;

Between the year 2005 and 2030 there will be 1 billion women going through menopause . . . all at the same time…(perhaps a cause for global warming?)

Really? Who the hell said that? Some stupid Beverly Hills 50-year-old plastic surgery Barbie? Because I’ve got news for you ladies…50 is 50 is 50 is 50.

You can suger-coat it all you want with Botox and suctions and potions and peels and hormones, but you have to embrace it or it will kick your ass.

I turned 50 in January and thought I was dealing with the number pretty well when the hormones turned on me. After all we’ve been through. Bastards.

I’ve got a lot to talk about on the subject. My friends have a lot to say on it as well. But hang on…it may get ugly!